Yew Times 6

From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki

Title: Yew Times #6

Author: Yew Town Council

CURRENT NEWS

KNIGHTS BE WARY

Knights travelling the vacinity of Trinsic should excercise extreme caution. An unidentified and armored ruffian has been menacing the countryside, maintaining a low profile; breaking cover when a particularly desirable solitary target presents itself. The vartlet vartlet routinely adopts a tactic of subterfuge to ambush and unhorse mounted opponents, trampling them to death. This miscreant is not to be underestimated as he has quite a perverse talent for mimicry and through his wiles has caught a number of veteran warriors off guard.

AWARD GOES UNAWARDED AGAIN

This past Friday marked the annual 'Most humble person in Britannia" award where judges present a trophy to one individual amongst many candidates esteemed by their communities to be exemplars of humility. This year, Neville Presbody was again presented the award which for the last three years he had declined to accept. Mainly out of annoyance for the repeat ritual, Neville grudging accepted the award, whereupon was harshly chastized and lectured by the judge on the tenets of humility. The judge reminded the prospective recipient that a truely humble individual expects no rewards, and admonished him not to return until he had redeemed himself. This year marks the tenth consecutive such ceremony where no one has officially received the title of "Most humble person in Britannia."

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PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE

TAVERN NIGHT

Next week's Tavern Night will be held at the Bramble Rose at 32o 58'N, 3o 5'E Umbra (Near Sanctan Pass in the abandoned orc fort) on the date of 08/01/11

FROM THE LYCEUM

The chief librarian at the Lyceaum has requested that we pass on this messages to our readers on his behalf: Dear citizens of Britannia, In times such as these where the economy is in a slump, unemployment is climbing, and other forms of entertainment are unaffordable to many of us, is when assets such as free public libraries become more valuable. So, we ask that when you borrow a book, please return it; as the cost of replacing it becomes a burden on our budget, which is increasingly slimmer in these hard times. We have noticed in particular that books on suicide are not being returned at all. There has been a great demand for these books lately, with none to be readily available anywhere. Remember, readers turn to books to lift their spirits and sometimes to learn new skills when jobs are scarce. So, when these particular books are not returned, readers are deprived of that small glimmer of hope. So please, be responsible and remember to return your books.

HOROSCOPES

The Peddler-January + Your rivals will be defeated and your business will bloom. Avoid dairy products for the next few days. The Mongbat-February + You may notice that you're thinking of a certain someone more often and in a different way. Also, this person has a vivifying effect on your mood. Is it Richard Simmons?

The Phoenix-March + It is painful to try to tackle work that's over your head, out of your league and generally too difficult for your current ability. And yet, you'll do this anyway -- maybe because you recognize it as "character building." or you're some sort of masochist, hellbent on failure.

The Sea Dragon-April + You don't have to be good at everything. That's one terrific aspect of having so many friends -- On the other hand, you can buy soulstones and be good at everything. Then you won't need any friends.

The Hermit-May + This is by far the best horoscope of the whole lot, that it even surprised us. Congratulations!

The Llama-June + Your outlook is bright, and you communicate well -- people enjoy being around you; if only to pick your pockets.

The Ancient Wyrm-July + Persistence often wins out, but that doesn't mean you should keep trying something that's not working. Change it up. And borrow a few moves from someone who is winning. Someone like Charlie Sheen.

The Anvil-August + Colleagues will remain friendly and your spouse will show warm feelings. Maybe your spouse will show warm feelings to your colleagues, who will in turn be very friendly to her. Maybe, you will walk in on them and surprise them when all this is happening, and everyone will feel quite embarassed.

The Weaver-September + Someone will ask you a question that, in some subtle way, encourages you to commit to a position. Consider that it may not benefit you to take a position or even answer at all. Your best bet is to make up a ridiculous answer that doesn't make sense, like your feelings about Yanni. Then they will be afraid to ask you any follow up questions.

The Wisp-October+ If spontaneous combustion runs in your family, you might want to take it easy today. Why not enjoy a delicious bagel!

The Unicorn-November + The ones who put you on the defensive have something to teach you, as well. It's not so easy to find the lesson when you're in the middle of the fight, but later you can look back and see it very clearly. First you hate them, then you love them, then you kill them.

The Wanderer-December + Raising children is like gardening; First, you start with a fertile environment, and watch them carefully. At times you must feed them poison, or the bugs will devour them.

Publish 2 Edition 6, 6-24-2011