Yew Times 6
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: Yew Times #6
Author: Yew Town Council
CURRENT NEWS
KNIGHTS BE WARY
Knights travelling the
vacinity of Trinsic should
excercise extreme caution.
An unidentified and
armored ruffian has been
menacing the countryside,
maintaining a low profile;
breaking cover when a
particularly desirable
solitary target presents
itself. The vartlet
vartlet routinely adopts a
tactic of subterfuge to
ambush and unhorse
mounted opponents,
trampling them to death.
This miscreant is not to
be underestimated as he
has quite a perverse
talent for mimicry and
through his wiles has
caught a number of
veteran warriors off
guard.
AWARD GOES
UNAWARDED AGAIN
This past Friday marked
the annual 'Most humble
person in Britannia" award
where judges present a
trophy to one individual
amongst many candidates
esteemed by their
communities to be
exemplars of humility.
This year, Neville
Presbody was again
presented the award
which for the last three
years he had declined to
accept. Mainly out of
annoyance for the repeat
ritual, Neville grudging
accepted the award,
whereupon was harshly
chastized and lectured by
the judge on the tenets
of humility. The judge
reminded the prospective
recipient that a truely
humble individual expects
no rewards, and
admonished him not to
return until he had
redeemed himself. This
year marks the tenth
consecutive such ceremony
where no one has
officially received the
title of "Most humble
person in Britannia."
ADVERTISEMENT
SURVIVORS LOVE
VAMPIRE CASINO
Are you tired of all the
other vampire casinos
that try to lure you in
with the promise of
winnings only to murder
you in the end? Are you
fed up with blackjack
dealers draining your life
essense when you are on
a winning streak? Then
why not come come to
the one vampire casino
where the staff care
more about your
entertainment than your
irresistable, tasty blood?
The Golden Fang offers a
wide selection of gambling
venues. Our slot machines
are authentic, and not
just some facade iron
maiden that springs open
and that you get pushed
into when you try to play
it. And the Golden Fang
isn't is just about fun
for adults either. Kids
are welcome to pet the
llama in the lobby
downstairs. He's had all
of his shots, so he
should be perfectly safe
now. You won't find a
friendlier llama in any of
those other vampire
casinos as the one you'll
find here. So come to
the vampire casino where
you will leave with the
same amount of loved
ones that you showed up
with. At the Golden Fang,
we don't want your blood,
just your money!
PUBLIC SERVICE
MESSAGE
TAVERN NIGHT
Next week's Tavern Night
will be held at the
Bramble Rose at 32o
58'N, 3o 5'E Umbra
(Near Sanctan Pass in
the abandoned orc fort)
on the date of 08/01/11
FROM THE LYCEUM
The chief librarian at the
Lyceaum has requested
that we pass on this
messages to our readers
on his behalf:
Dear citizens of
Britannia, In times such
as these where the
economy is in a slump,
unemployment is climbing,
and other forms of
entertainment are
unaffordable to many of
us, is when assets such
as free public libraries
become more valuable. So,
we ask that when you
borrow a book, please
return it; as the cost of
replacing it becomes a
burden on our budget,
which is increasingly
slimmer in these hard
times. We have noticed in
particular that books on
suicide are not being
returned at all. There has
been a great demand for
these books lately, with
none to be readily
available anywhere.
Remember, readers turn
to books to lift their
spirits and sometimes to
learn new skills when jobs
are scarce. So, when
these particular books are
not returned, readers are
deprived of that small
glimmer of hope. So
please, be responsible and
remember to return your
books.
HOROSCOPES
The Peddler-January +
Your rivals will be
defeated and your
business will bloom. Avoid
dairy products for the
next few days.
The Mongbat-February +
You may notice that
you're thinking of a
certain someone more
often and in a different
way. Also, this person has
a vivifying effect on your
mood. Is it Richard
Simmons?
The Phoenix-March + It is painful to try to tackle work that's over your head, out of your league and generally too difficult for your current ability. And yet, you'll do this anyway -- maybe because you recognize it as "character building." or you're some sort of masochist, hellbent on failure.
The Sea Dragon-April + You don't have to be good at everything. That's one terrific aspect of having so many friends -- On the other hand, you can buy soulstones and be good at everything. Then you won't need any friends.
The Hermit-May + This is by far the best horoscope of the whole lot, that it even surprised us. Congratulations!
The Llama-June + Your outlook is bright, and you communicate well -- people enjoy being around you; if only to pick your pockets.
The Ancient Wyrm-July + Persistence often wins out, but that doesn't mean you should keep trying something that's not working. Change it up. And borrow a few moves from someone who is winning. Someone like Charlie Sheen.
The Anvil-August + Colleagues will remain friendly and your spouse will show warm feelings. Maybe your spouse will show warm feelings to your colleagues, who will in turn be very friendly to her. Maybe, you will walk in on them and surprise them when all this is happening, and everyone will feel quite embarassed.
The Weaver-September + Someone will ask you a question that, in some subtle way, encourages you to commit to a position. Consider that it may not benefit you to take a position or even answer at all. Your best bet is to make up a ridiculous answer that doesn't make sense, like your feelings about Yanni. Then they will be afraid to ask you any follow up questions.
The Wisp-October+ If spontaneous combustion runs in your family, you might want to take it easy today. Why not enjoy a delicious bagel!
The Unicorn-November + The ones who put you on the defensive have something to teach you, as well. It's not so easy to find the lesson when you're in the middle of the fight, but later you can look back and see it very clearly. First you hate them, then you love them, then you kill them.
The Wanderer-December + Raising children is like gardening; First, you start with a fertile environment, and watch them carefully. At times you must feed them poison, or the bugs will devour them.
Publish 2 Edition 6, 6-24-2011