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'''Title: Yew Times #23'''

'''Author: Yew Town Council'''

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[NEWS FLASH!]
 
We have just received a 
report from Castle 
Britiannia, to be on a 
lookout for a LIVING 
snowman? It seems that 
Captain Julius has hired a 
team of old retired 
mages from the Atlantic 
Mage Tower to make use 
of all of the snowmen 
that have been turned in 
from the Clean Up 
Britiannia campaign. We 
were not informed of 
what the mages were 
actualy working on, or 
for what purpose. The 
walking snowman was 
named "Snowy the 
Frostman" which later 
escaped the castle and 
was last seen heading 
into the north woods. We 
are informed that the 
snowman is potentially 
dangerous and should not 
be confronted but if 
anyone should see him, to 
please contact your local 
Magistrate. We will be 
continuing this story as 
it develops...
 

[CURRENT NEWS]


BRITANNIA'S ELITE 
OFFER TO ALLEVIATE 
CHRISTMAS POVERTY 
WOES
 

This year, Britannia's 
wealthy are offering a 
solution to the growing 
disillusion amongst the 
impoverished that occurs 
around the holiday season. 
The fortunate wealthy like 
Auric Goldman who we 
interviewed at his 
comfortable winter estate 
feels that the worst 
thing that the wealthy 
can do to solve the 
problem of scarcity at 
this time of year, is to 
encourage excess 
materialism amongst the 
have-nots. "Instead we are 
sending out a message of 
hope and of appreciation 
for what we currently 
have. There is not a day 
that goes by where I 
don't give thanks even 
for the little things, like 
my faberge egg collection, 
for example", says 
Goldman. He continues, 
"So, other benefactors 
like myself have been 
visiting the orphanages 
and homes of the less 
ostentatious to preach a 
message of hope and 
impart a little game to 
be played to remind 
ourselves to appreciate 
what we have." Goldman 
explained the rules of the 
"Glad Game" to the 
families and children. 
Whenever someone 
received something, no 
matter how insignificant, 
they were to use their 
imagination to see the 
best in it. "Imagination is 
a gift in itself; and a 
free one at that!", 
exhorted Goldman. A 
young able bodied girl 
upon receiving a pair of 
crutches, said that she 
was glad that she didn't 
need them. A father who 
had received a pink slip 
from his employer said 
that he was glad that he 
now had something to 
burn for a few moments 
to stave off the 
evening's cold. A young 
lad claimed, "It's probably 
a good thing I was born 
a boy, or else I wouldn't 
have a damn thing to 
play with on Christmas 
morning."


WARLUS FESTIVAL


In 15 A.C. an explorer 
from Britain,  
encountered a group of 
people located in the 
northeastern lands of 
Britannia. He was amazed 
to find them there, and 
aside from sharing much 
news, told them that 
they were the furthest 
city to the east, “the 
twilight of the compass”. 
From this, the city gained 
its name “Vesper” in 
reference to an old word 
meaning “twilight”. In 
its early years,one of 
Vesper's main staples was 
walrus. The walrus gave 
food, pelts, and ivory to 
Vesper and the rest of 
Britannia. Walrus oil kept 
its lanterns burning 
through the cold, dark 
nights of winter. At this, 
the darkest time of the 
year, the people of 
Vesper and Britannia give 
thanks for the creature 
that sustained their 
ancestors. December 13th 
and 14th marks the 
celebration of The Walrus 
Festival.


[ADVERTISEMENTS]


MAKE THIS COLLECTOR 
PLATE YOURS THIS 
CHRISTMAS!
 

Just in time for the 
Holidays, Vesper Mint has 
released a limited edition 
collector plate that will 
delight guests and enemies 
alike. Crafted of fine 
porcelain and hand 
numbered in 24 karat 
gold, this treasure will 
kindle the spirit of 
Christmas whenever you 
gaze upon it. The plate, 
titled "A Tender Moment 
in Hythloth" depicts the 
Devourer of Souls deftly 
lifting a small frail child 
into the air so that he 
may place the Christmas 
star atop the tree. Every 
emotion comes through 
clearly as the lad strains 
to place the ornament as 
he mutters, "Lift me 
higher, dumbass!" The 
demon's black heart, 
bursting with the 
Christmas spirit, swells 
three sizes with a sense 
of goodwill and compassion 
as he tenderly cradles his 
young charge in his 
powerful claws. You can 
almost hear his inner 
thoughts as he does this, 
"There young lad, you can 
do it. Dumbass?! I don't 
think anyone is going to 
miss this kid." This 
limited edition plate will 
be closed forever just 
after 45 firing days, so 
act now to get yours 
this Christmas exclusively 
from the Vesper Mint. 


CLASSIFIED 


I have always wanted to 
fulfill a fantasy of mine, 
so I hope you can help. I 
have always wanted to 
pretend that I was a 
tinker, and fix something 
broken that you have 
around the house. It could 
be a clock or a golem or 
what have you;It doesn't 
matter to me. I'll just 
knock on your door, come 
in, fix your thing and 
leave discretely. I'll even 
wear the apron. If you 
are interested, please 
drop by the Minoc bank 
and say aloud to yourself, 
"I wonder if there is 
someone handy with tools 
around here!" and we'll go 
from there.
 

For anyone who is 
interested, I have a 
rather large coffin 
available that I need to 
get off my hands because 
it is taking up too much 
space. A customer 
ordered it for a guy 
that was huge, but they 
never showed to pick it 
up. Maybe someone is in 
the market for a unique 
looking armoir, or knows 
of someone who lost 
several family members at 
the same time and can 
put it to good use. I am 
willing to cut a deal. So, 
if you are interested, 
please stop by Phil's Last 
Ditch Effort in Minoc.

[[Category:The Yew Times]]