Yew Times 23

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Title: Yew Times #23

Author: Yew Town Council


[NEWS FLASH!]

We have just received a report from Castle Britiannia, to be on a lookout for a LIVING snowman? It seems that Captain Julius has hired a team of old retired mages from the Atlantic Mage Tower to make use of all of the snowmen that have been turned in from the Clean Up Britiannia campaign. We were not informed of what the mages were actualy working on, or for what purpose. The walking snowman was named "Snowy the Frostman" which later escaped the castle and was last seen heading into the north woods. We are informed that the snowman is potentially dangerous and should not be confronted but if anyone should see him, to please contact your local Magistrate. We will be continuing this story as it develops...


[CURRENT NEWS]


BRITANNIA'S ELITE OFFER TO ALLEVIATE CHRISTMAS POVERTY WOES


This year, Britannia's wealthy are offering a solution to the growing disillusion amongst the impoverished that occurs around the holiday season. The fortunate wealthy like Auric Goldman who we interviewed at his comfortable winter estate feels that the worst thing that the wealthy can do to solve the problem of scarcity at this time of year, is to encourage excess materialism amongst the have-nots. "Instead we are sending out a message of hope and of appreciation for what we currently have. There is not a day that goes by where I don't give thanks even for the little things, like my faberge egg collection, for example", says Goldman. He continues, "So, other benefactors like myself have been visiting the orphanages and homes of the less ostentatious to preach a message of hope and impart a little game to be played to remind ourselves to appreciate what we have." Goldman explained the rules of the "Glad Game" to the families and children. Whenever someone received something, no matter how insignificant, they were to use their imagination to see the best in it. "Imagination is a gift in itself; and a free one at that!", exhorted Goldman. A young able bodied girl upon receiving a pair of crutches, said that she was glad that she didn't need them. A father who had received a pink slip from his employer said that he was glad that he now had something to burn for a few moments to stave off the evening's cold. A young lad claimed, "It's probably a good thing I was born a boy, or else I wouldn't have a damn thing to play with on Christmas morning."


WARLUS FESTIVAL


In 15 A.C. an explorer from Britain, encountered a group of people located in the northeastern lands of Britannia. He was amazed to find them there, and aside from sharing much news, told them that they were the furthest city to the east, “the twilight of the compass”. From this, the city gained its name “Vesper” in reference to an old word meaning “twilight”. In its early years,one of Vesper's main staples was walrus. The walrus gave food, pelts, and ivory to Vesper and the rest of Britannia. Walrus oil kept its lanterns burning through the cold, dark nights of winter. At this, the darkest time of the year, the people of Vesper and Britannia give thanks for the creature that sustained their ancestors. December 13th and 14th marks the celebration of The Walrus Festival.


[ADVERTISEMENTS]


MAKE THIS COLLECTOR PLATE YOURS THIS CHRISTMAS!


Just in time for the Holidays, Vesper Mint has released a limited edition collector plate that will delight guests and enemies alike. Crafted of fine porcelain and hand numbered in 24 karat gold, this treasure will kindle the spirit of Christmas whenever you gaze upon it. The plate, titled "A Tender Moment in Hythloth" depicts the Devourer of Souls deftly lifting a small frail child into the air so that he may place the Christmas star atop the tree. Every emotion comes through clearly as the lad strains to place the ornament as he mutters, "Lift me higher, dumbass!" The demon's black heart, bursting with the Christmas spirit, swells three sizes with a sense of goodwill and compassion as he tenderly cradles his young charge in his powerful claws. You can almost hear his inner thoughts as he does this, "There young lad, you can do it. Dumbass?! I don't think anyone is going to miss this kid." This limited edition plate will be closed forever just after 45 firing days, so act now to get yours this Christmas exclusively from the Vesper Mint.


CLASSIFIED


I have always wanted to fulfill a fantasy of mine, so I hope you can help. I have always wanted to pretend that I was a tinker, and fix something broken that you have around the house. It could be a clock or a golem or what have you;It doesn't matter to me. I'll just knock on your door, come in, fix your thing and leave discretely. I'll even wear the apron. If you are interested, please drop by the Minoc bank and say aloud to yourself, "I wonder if there is someone handy with tools around here!" and we'll go from there.


For anyone who is interested, I have a rather large coffin available that I need to get off my hands because it is taking up too much space. A customer ordered it for a guy that was huge, but they never showed to pick it up. Maybe someone is in the market for a unique looking armoir, or knows of someone who lost several family members at the same time and can put it to good use. I am willing to cut a deal. So, if you are interested, please stop by Phil's Last Ditch Effort in Minoc.

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