Yew Times 31
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: Yew Times #31
Author: Yew Town Council
EXPOSURE UPSETS CANDIDATES HOPES
A recent revelation may
hurt the election chances
for Vesper's candidate
for governor,
Rufus Elderwyn.
Investigations have
unearthed Elderwyn's ties
to an underground rich
boys club that meet
covertly on one of
Britannia’s non-descript
islands for a bizarre
costumed affair. Activities
include dressing up as
llamas and being herded,
and groomed by other
members dressed as
shepherds. In the warmer
months, llama members
would be sheared followed
by a trip to the carrot
patch as a sort of
treat. The group
maintained anonymity until
outsiders noticed the
unusual exchanges between
members and decided to
investigate further.
Publically, members of
this group would identify
each other by offering
some subtle gesture that
outsiders might overlook.
In this case, one would
discretely place both index
fingers to the side of
his head, and wiggle them
playfully. If the second
was an affiliate, he would
recognize the gesture and
follow suit. Sometimes,
this would continue for
minutes at a time. Then
both would gently nuzzle
before parting ways. The
general public has not
been very affable in
embracing this odd cult,
and generally categorizes
them as a bunch of rich
perverts who should be
flogged. Elderwyn has
remained silent on the
allegations.
CURE SOUGHT FOR
MAGICAL SYNDROME
Britannia's physicians are
taking a serious look at
the ongoing affliction that
has been plaguing the
lives of its magic-using
citizens. By now, many
are familiar with
Krazwell's disease; a
condition that strikes
veteran mages, that
causes them to
involuntarily weave magic
gestures and utter spell
words in the midst of
carrying on a normal
conversation. Bystanders
and loved ones will often
find the condition
distracting, but mainly
look on in pity and
concern for those
afflicted by this cruel
disease. Those afflicted
also face concern that
others might come to
distrust their actions, or
shy away from them.
Lawrence, an alchemist
and veteran mage confided
that he would insist that
no one speak to him while
he works in the
laboratory, lest his spoken
response trigger a
casting-incident and
splashing bystanders with
some caustic acid or
lethal substance that he
may be holding. Another
individual who agreed to
speak anonymously stated
that he was always very
verbal in the bedroom,
but his condition has
adversely affected his
love life. Experts in the
field are urging those
suffering with Krazwell's
to not lose hope, because
there is a cure in the
future, but it might just
take a very long time.
OLD FRIENDS PART
WAYS
For decades, the
locals of Yew have looked
on in amusement of an
unlikely odd couple that
would frequent their
taverns and
establishments. One being
a broad shouldered,
towering giant of man by
the name of Yorik, and
the other following in his
shadow, being a bearded
fellow no taller than 3
foot high. The little man,
whose name is not known,
would shuffle vigorously
to keep pace with the
giant. If any were
tempted to make fun of
the spectacle, it is
certain that the sight of
Yorik was enough to
make that person hold his
tongue. Often they would
be seen drinking quietly
at the Serpent Cross
Tavern; with not a word
uttered between the two
in that quiet unspoken
rapport that exists
between old compatriots
who know what the other
is thinking. Wherever
Yorik would go, his little
shadow would be right
nearby, until this past
Thursday, when the tiny
man passed away in his
sleep. When asked, of
how he was coping with
the loss of his diminutive
friend, Yorik seemed
puzzled. When we
explained, Yorik replied,
"So, there was a little
guy following me around
all this time? Hmm, I
guess I never noticed
him."
ADVERTISMENTS
Feeling a bit under the
weather or maybe just
having a bad hair day?
We have the solution to
whatever ails you at
Ulric's Barber Shoppe,
just a short hop up the
north road from Trinsic.
So, whether you fancy a
conservative bowl cut, or
a just routine delousing,
Ulric will deliver. Feeling
phlegmatic? Ulric knows
just the correct amount
of the evil humours to
bleed from you to put
you right back on your
feet. Only Ulric can claim
with pride, "I've never
bled anyone to death yet,
so help me Crom!" And if
you are dissatisfied, he
will thow some quality
leeches on it for good
measure. Nothing but the
best at this
establishment. And, if you
are satisfied with the
service, tell a friend. And
a generous tip wouldn't
hurt either.
Looking for an innovative
cake decorator, caterer
and criminal investigator
with a strong forensic
background and 16 years
of experience? Then look
no further than Nan the
Sweet, at the Jolly
Baker shop in Yew
proper. So whether you
need to serve a large
party of wedding guests
at a last minute's notice
or to shadow a cheating
spouse, Nan is the one to
call. One satisfied
customer states "Nan
saved my wedding day,
when the other caterer
fell through, and then she
helped me end my fraud
of a marriage two
months later by exposing
my husband's illicit affair.
Thanks, Nan!" Nan is
equally at home at a
crime scene as she is in
the kitchen. 15 time
murderer and Yew Prison
escapee claims "Nan's keen
eye at the murder scenes
and presentation of the
evidence in court put me
behind bars 14 times.
What a gal!" And if you
have doubts whether a
woman can be a talented
investigator and cook; Nan
used her culinary and
investigative skills
recently to avert an
international incident and
the deaths of several
prominent ambassadors.
While catering a
diplomatic affair, Nan
deduced that poison was
added to the ice cubes
and not the drinks, from
which the perpetrator
himself drank during a
toast which he offered.
Not only was the peace
treaty saved, but the
dinner party was flawless
and a smashing success.
So, whether it's a body,
or your daughter's
wedding, remember Nan on
that special day.
HOROSCOPES:
We wish to inform our
readers that our usual
astrologer is at the
healers following an
incident where she was
backed over by a gypsy
cart. We ask that that
those who follow Sorcha's
column send her some
positive energy. Milo, bard
of the wilds, will be
covering for Sorcha in
her absence.
The Peddler-January
Show more care in your work. Don't be like the irresponsible beaver who dropped a 5 ton tree on that angry, drunk guys house, and had to live his life looking over his shoulder all the time. Follow mandated safety guidelines at all times at the workplace or jobsite.
The Mongbat-February
Try to minimize idle chatter. Remember the walrus that got clubbed to death for being too annoying.
The Phoenix-March
Reaching past your limits can have unfortunate consequences, like the moth that tried to steal the candle and thereby burned down some stranger's house, which got blamed on some poor kid who said that he saw the candle flying around the room. Personally, I don't see a problem with this. From the moth's perspective, he isn't very pro-human anyway, so it's kind of a win-win thing. You just got to feel sorry for the kid.
The Sea Dragon-April
You are far too timid. Come out of your shell every once and a while. Don't forget what happened to the turtle that got mistaken for a rock and mistakenly loaded into a catapult, but lived 58 seconds of excitement in those final moments of life.
The Hermit-May
Try not to be something that you are not, or making up misleading titles. Sort of like candy corn.. It's not corn. It's not candy. Are you the one responsible for making this inedible stuff?
The Llama-June
When you are having fun, don't let your enthusiasm obstruct others, or you'll end up like the annoying dolphin who got brained on the keel of a passing fishing boat.
The Ancient Wyrm-July
Become familiar with your strengths and weaknesses and you won't become a victim like the alligator who fell from a tree into a stake pit trying to catch the squirrel whose particular strength was climbing trees and building traps of the sharpened stake pit variety.
The Anvil-August
Try to be more collected under trying circumstances. Do you recall the druid who lost her cool and summoned a hurricane on a small coastal fishing village? It turned out that she jumped to conclusions and she had a few spotted mushrooms beforehand that clouded her judgment. I'm not sure if anyone ever found out that she was responsible.
The Weaver-September
Be more open minded to new things. Don't be like that marmot that saw it's reflection for the first time in a mirror, had difficulty coping with the trauma and developed a spit personality.
The Wisp-October
Sometimes it is ok to surrender and accept the things that you cannot change. When the fox got his leg stuck in a trap, he came to the realization that he didn't want to gnaw off his own leg and resigned himself to his destiny of being the best pelt that he could be.
The Unicorn-November
Times will become more difficult down the road. So, be patient like the blind mongbat that was poked by sticks by the local roughnecks and got his final sweet, bloody revenge.
The Wanderer-December
It never pays to be too cocky. Don't be like that wannabe pugilist who thought he was all badass and tried to punch a wisp. Boy, that guy ended up looking like a well-done steak.