Yew Times 28
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: Yew Times #28
Author: Yew Town Council
WORLD NEWS
Alchemist Labors for
Naught
It was 12 years ago, that
the great intellect and
alchemist, Vig Parthus
the Accomplished
addressed the public
before barring the door
to his lab. He bid that
no one disturb his work,
for when he finally
emerged from his
bailiwick, he would present
to the people that which
mankind had been
searching for since the
beginning of time. After
a decade of respecting
the mages request, a
concerned citizen
determined that something
was amiss, since no one
had been bringing food to
the alchemist for all
those years. When the
body was finally
recovered, it was already
in an advanced state of
decomposition. There is
only speculation of what
Vig had been working on
that would be such a
boon to mankind. Scholars
pointed out that Vig
must have been working
on a potion that would
turn base metals into
gold. Politicians were
hoping for an elixir that
they could give to their
wives to make them
believe their lies whenever
they cheated on them.
Women-folk lamented that
they would never see the
wonder-soap that would
soften their hands while
doing dishes.
Nuisance Charge Ends
With Unusual Twist
It was a day of ordeals
for Pepe, a young
shepherd that tended the
flocks in the Magincian
fields. When he began to
give the hue and cry of
"Wolf! Wolf!", all those
within earshot came
running to investigate.
When the townsfolk asked
for the reason for the
alarm, the young herdsman
appeared puzzled,
according to witnesses.
The assembled individuals
dispersed, when the cry
rose up again, and they
returned yet again to
find no wolf within the
vicinity. This incident was
repeated until the guards
were called and the
shepherd was charged
with constituting a public
nuisance. The young
herdsman was questioned
about some empty bottles
of alcohol found in his
lunch area, and
vociferously denied that
he had ever seen them.
His employer arrived on
the scene and upon
hearing the news,
discharged the worker on
the spot. That night, the
entire flock had
disappeared without a
trace. Fortunately for
the young shepherd, he
had been incarcerated at
the time, or else would
have been considered a
primary suspect in the
crime. Pepe has been
released on his own
recognizance following a
witness coming forward
with information as to
the actual perpetrators
involved in the crime.
Allegedly, a ninja by the
name of Mmmm Falafels
and his sheep rustling
associates have been
assuming the wolf animal
form and stealthing
around the Yew sheep
pens, baiting animal
herders with the same
scheme.
CURRENT NEWS
Cupid's Vacation?
After weeks of pondering upon the upcoming holiday, Cupid lamented on how mortals had forgotten the gods of the lands. Almost everyone knows Cupid's name only on Valentine's Day because of his legendary deeds: spreading the spirit of love in the lands. Cupid grew curious of what humans would do if granted the power of inspiring love upon each other. He looked down at the toy arrows in Voluptas's quiver and had of an idea. His daughter's arrows were made to only affect people who were already in love with each other. Cupid's contrived to leave an arrow for each person in Sosaria the night before Valentine's Day and observe how they would use them. He also included a statue molded in his likeness as a hint to the present's sender. The very next day he sat back with interest as he observed his handiwork. Many used the arrows on a loved one, others shot anyone and everyone within sight, while some even discarded them thoughtlessly. "Either way," Cupid thought to himself, "At least they all know that the god of desire, affection and erotic love still lives."
ARTS AND LIVING
Caveat Emptor
It appears that the
Blacksmiths and Tailors
have been holding out on
us when it comes to
handing out the better
Bulk Orders Deeds. Those
looking to get their hands
on tapestries, exotic rugs
and finer wares had
better be willing to cross
some palms with coin.
These smooth operators
will tell you that it is
due to hard times, but it
just seems to be a "sign
of the times" where
everyone is out to rob
other people's nests while
feathering their own.
TRAVELOGUE
Mazewood
Mazewood is a quiet community that is the home of the United Blacksmiths of Britannia. It is located east of Skara Brae in Felucca, near the southwest corner of the hedgemaze. There are several homes in the area providing all the amenities anyone could need: tavern, stable, crafting center, garden, apartment complex, armory, and a few outlying buildings as well. There are a few relics of old also housed within the town. One such relic is a blessed sledge hammer King British presented to the founder of the Blacksmiths of Britannia , Excalibur Bane. There are a couple of rare vintages of wine presented to the UBB as well. The armory houses many old crafted items and more can be found at the crafting center.
ADVERTISEMENTS
Keep the Magic of
Winter Alive
The snows will be
disappearing soon, but you
can still keep some of
that winter magic trapped
all year round inside our
limited edition snowglobe.
The Sosarian Mint
Collection brings you our
latest addition, 'Winter
Memories of Destard."
Crafted of fine
frostwood, each figurine
in the scene is
painstakingly hand painted
in such detail that they
almost come to life. You
can make out every detail
of the tiny adventurers;
their brows tinged with
the sweat of desperation
and fear as they flee
for their lives from the
dungeon. You can see the
panicked look in their
eyes as they search for
the nearest snow pile to
douse the flames erupting
from their clothing. Each
snowglobe is a delight to
behold, and for only 4
payments of 2500 gold,
it can be yours. If you
act now, you can also
order for 30 days, two
favorites, "Liches Ate My
Heart in Deceit" and "PK
Gangbang in Covetous." If
you wish, you can receive
your set all at once.
Best order with
Grandmastercharge,
Britannian Express or
COD with a 10 gp service
charge.
Giant tub of melted
butter 15,000 gold extra.
COMICS
Crime and Punishment
(Pic: a thief standing before the judge)
Judge: You have stood before me five times already.
Thief: Your honor, when I like a fellow, I like to give him all my business.
Leg Up
(Pic: One-legged beggar begging from wealthy nobleman.)
Beggar: Can you help me out, sir. As you can see, I've lost my leg.
Nobleman: Sorry, I haven't seen it. Have you tried putting an ad in the classifieds?
Stumble Inn
(Pic: guest pointing to water pouring from hole in roof onto bed)
Guest: Does the water always come through the roof like that?
Innkeeper: No sir, only when it rains.
CLASSIFIEDS
I need help with a
problem. I have a house
in the woods a short
distance from a reaper.
For the most part, I
have always kept a safe
distance. A few days ago,
there was a storm and
the reaper was uprooted
and blown onto its back.
By the way, they do
make a sound when they
fall over when no one is
around. This one has been
crying out "Why?!!
Why?!!" for three
straight days and I have
not been able to get a
wink of sleep since. I
would be perfectly willing
to pay a good 30 gold
pieces to anyone who will
put the thing out of its
misery. I would do it
myself, but I'm afraid it
will try to fireball me. If
you are interested in
making some pocket
money, I live in a small
plaster 2 story by the
waterfall in Yew. The
reaper is screaming
pretty loud, so it's easy
to locate.
If you crave falafel, drop
by for the grand opening
of 'Thanks for Mutton';
the first falafel stand in
the land. We are
conveniently located next
to the Britain moongate,
open from 10 am to
10pm 7 days a week.
Issue 28
Edition 2