Yew Times 27
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: Yew Times #27
Author: Yew Town Council
CURRENT NEWS
Accidental Tourist Takes
Trip to Distant Lands
The mystery of items
disappearing from
containers may finally be
resolved. Dread Lord
Popeye reported that he
had been consistently
experiencing missing items
from his home and
pinpointed the loss to an
armoir on an upper floor
of his tower. While
further investigating, he
somehow passed through
the back of the armoir
into a snowy landscape,
where he soon
encountered, in his own
words"a female RPer
Ice-queen and a midget in
a sled" who tried to
alternately bribe him with
candy and intimidate him.
Popeye claimed that he
became suspicious of their
behavior and insisted upon
searching the back of the
sleigh for his missing
belongings, causing the
"midget" to issue threats
and becoming quite
annoying. Lord Popeye was
disappointed that it only
took two flamestrikes to
take out the both of
them, and that his
belongings were nowhere
to be found. Popeye
pointed out that if
lightweight RPers are
going to play by Fel
rules, they should have at
least some decent gear.
Lady Danica Reviews
Land's Defenses
The Crux Ansata
entourage led by Lady
Danica Amandine marched
through many of the
Britannian lands on
Tuesday, the 24th day of
January, with a stop at
Yew's Empath Abbey.
The field marshall quickly
appraised the efforts of
Yew's Militia in the
preparation of the
defense of the land.
SunWolf, the militia
captain assured her that
emergency provisions were
at the ready with new
recruits conducting drills,
and its patrols placed on
full alert. A strange
forboding hung in the air,
as many having come
from many lands
congregated in front of
the abbey...
When, where, what..... It
is obvious that the
citizens of Yew, Human,
Orc, and Elven alike, will
take care in securing
their home at night and
give thought to what the
new day will bring......
EDITORIALS
World Going on Trip In Handbasket
Citizens are upset and
they have plenty of
matches. For years they
cried out while witnessing
gruesome murders, while
the delinquent guards
stood about idly inside
some invisible zone of
deafness. Administrations
overlooked the needs of
the townspeople; its
working class being denied
insurance or even access
to a proper dentist. But
what may have been the
final straw for the
citizens of Britannia, is
the recent housing decay
incident. Grumbling behind
their counters and in the
fields were witnesses to
the latest act of mass
avarice by the privileged
class blissfully looting the
dispossessed, while the
truly worthy are trapped
in their meager existences
serving the establishment.
What is more unforgivable
is that nobody made the
effort to tell "those
people" about this golden
opportunity to get ahead,
and perhaps to reach for
the brass ring for once
in their pitiful lives. So,
while the "Haves" go
about in their prosperous
pursuits, they will not
even deem to make eye
contact with the
"Have-Nots" who have
been wearing the same
pantaloons for an entire
decade, whose significant
others berate them for
not having a new living
room set since their
home was first built.
Who can blame them
when they finally lash out
against the system? And
what do they get handed
when they do cry out for
equality? Bloody fish
steaks! You just want to
shout out to them, "Burn
it all down! Just burn it
to the ground!" But, who
would they be hurting but
themselves? How are they
going to sleep when their
beds are burning? Think
of the children, wherever
they are....
TRAVELOGUE
Hidden Shame
Lying in the western side
of the Peaks of Disgrace
mountain range south of
Yew, resides the dungeon
called Shame. What once
was a prospering gold
mine in its time, is now
the domain of elementals.
The flooding of its
chambers and attacks
from the denizens of its
depths drove the miners
to safer endeavors. Only
the remains of the
miners and their
abandoned equipment
lingers behind as a
testament of its original
purpose. It is unclear if
the elementals have
always been the native
inhabitants, perhaps freed
from Shame's depths by
underground tremors or
transported through the
magical portals that allow
transit between the
levels. If such is the
case, was it by accident
or by design? What is
certain is that in recent
times, the occupants have
grown more varied, more
corrupted, and stronger.
If Shame's name is aptly
chosen, then like many
sins, its secret past has
probably been long buried.
Reader Commentary
We asked Silvester
Silverlips, veteran reader,
bard/adventurer and
interior decor savant
what he thought about
the recent changes in
two of the land's
dungeons. Mister Silverlips
stated, "I don't know who
is behind it but I hope
they keep it up. When I
laid eyes upon the "NEW"
Shame, I could have quite
literally died. The new
monster colors are just
breathtaking, and just
dazzle the eye. I am
trying to get my foot in
the door early and enjoy
the scene, before the
bourgeois riffraff flood it
and bring down the whole
"energy" of the place.
CLASSIFIEDS
To the abductors who
kidnapped my
mother-in-law. I apologize
that am unable to get
my hands on the funds
to pay the ransom.
5,000 gold is far beyond
my means. Perhaps I can
pay in 50 gp installments
every other week, or you
can just hold onto her
until I get the full
amount. I spent 100 gp
on this ad, so I'm already
2 weeks behind on the
first payment. Sorry.
Dear Mister John Smith.
I have managed to locate
those LLAMAS that you
asked for. I am sure
that the clientelle at
your STABLE will enjoy
them. The blonde one is
extremely TALENTED and
is very good at doing
TRICKS. The brunette
LLAMA I mentioned is
very classy and I would
recommend charging extra
for RIDES. I can also get
you a LLAMA with great
legs and nice smile, who
is also good at mixing
drinks, if you happen to
be interested.
ARTS AND LIVING
Green Thumb Reminder
Now is the time to plant
those tulip bulbs.