Yew Times 14

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Title: Yew Times #14

Author: Yew Town Council



This week, the Yew Times will be interviewing local witch, Grizelda and hear her views on the new edict concerning the Halloween period extension. Our reporter has made his way over to a rather run down residence past several odd signs stating "Gingerbread house ahead." TY: Excuse me maam, I am with the Yew Times and I was hoping to get a word with you regarding the recently changes in the Halloween schedule.

G: Well, I'm rather BUSY at the moment.. YT: It won't take but a few moments. G: Well, come in already. As I said, I have a lot of preparations to make. YT: You mean, regarding the change in the holiday schedule? G: Yes. Now that everything is starting almost a whole month earlier and running until the end of the month, I have less time to get ready, since everyone will probably be tired of the whole thing in 2 weeks. YT: I noticed the signs for the gingerbread house along the path leading here, were you planning to magically transform this house into gingerbread somehow? G: Signs? I have no idea what you're talking about. I bet it's some kind of prank. You know how some of these kids are. Just a bunch of rascals. YT: I see you have a bunch of apples over here, probably ready for the trick or treat bags. G: Actually, those are for the apple bobbing game over here. YT: But, that's a cauldron. G: I'm trying to go with the theme, you see. YT: That is a mighty large oven you have. It looks brand new. G: I just had it installed. That is for.. um.. all the baking I have planned. Cookies, cakes and all that. I sure am going to be BUSY! YT: Are all those wooden cages in the corner, part of the Halloween festivities? G: Let's see... That is for..TRAPPING THE IMPS AND TROUBLESOME GOBLINS! That's it! You don't want them showing up and ruining a good time. Let me tell ya! YT: And that's quite a lot of boxes of instant stuffing you have set out here on the counter. Stove Top stuffing..."for CHILDREN?!" G: I'm sure that's a typo. It's supposed to be "for chicken" YT: and what about these decorative roast frills? They look big enough to put on the drumsticks of a roast ostrich. G: Well, look at the time. Well, it was nice having you stop by for a visit. And mind the trap door on your way out. Very BUSY here! YT: Well, thank you for your time. YT: And there you have it. Witches working overtime getting ready for the new schedule. Surely, many witches will be similarly affected, but we're certain that it will not disrupt celebrations overall.


Britannia today mourns the passing of one of her most cherished and loved personalities, Ratcatcher Tim. Tim was a gentle soul, fondly remembered for his outgoing nature and colorful smile likened to that of a stained glass window with its many greens, browns, and golds lined with black etching. Ever he would impress an audience with his ratcatching skills, worming his way under houses and through barn rafters, deftly catching vermin; sometimes without the use of his hands. He would then tie his catch to his cane pole and entertain the children with a little rat dance or chorus line. Tim will be fondly remembered for his service and indomitable spirit in ridding our towns of pestilince so that we can live in good health. We thank you Ratcatcher Tim. Rest in Peace.


Are you tired of the same old worn-out, weathered, wooden leg that all the unfortunate pirates and seafarers are wearing? If that's the case, then perhaps it's time you took a look at Peg's Legs. Peg's Legs offers a grand selection of ornate and stylishly carved whalebone legs that will turn heads when you walk by. Tell the tales of your sea days beautifully illustrated in an etched scrimshaw design, or step out and show off your finer taste with an intricately crafted piece that looks more woven than carved. Every one is durable and will last for decades, because they won't weather in the salty brine air, and that's a promise. Every piece is a winner, but only one is just right for you. So, hobble on in, and we'll find the right accessory for you.


Travellers Tips: When travelling in wilderness regions where you are bound to encounter headless ones. Take care not to offend them by wearing hats or other head covering which might upset them. Believed to be the product of some mad mage's experiments, the headless have suffered at the cost of never being able to experience the joy of wearing a fine peice of headwear. Thus, wearing a hat is sure to drive them into a rage through sheer envy. So remember, when in the company of headless, be thoughthul, go hatless.


Hi, I'm Harvey Croblink and I am the entrepeneur and idea man of tomorrow. I brought to Britannia many great inventions like the Small Soulforge Display and the Captain's Wheel Sextant for the Home. If you are like me, then you are probably thinking "Why are all these elementals running around freely?" and "Why aren't they working for us and making our lives easier?" Imagine! A world where every household has elementals doing all the time consuming and costly chores! Fire elementals heating your home during the cold winter, air elementals cooling your home in the summer or even cooling your soup. Your own water elemental can be there for bathing on the go or to clean off the sidewalks. You can even ship them en-masse to arid areas so people can drink them! How does that sound for a solution to the world's problems? Mom can even plant seeds in her own personal earth elemental, so she can win ribbons in worldwide flowershow competitions for her walking garden. If these images get your wheels spinning, then perhaps you can help me get my idea off the ground. If you are interested in providing funds to make this dream possible, I will be staying this week at the Ironwood Inn, right outside of Vesper. Please leave a message on the bulletin board with your address if I am unavailable, and I will arrange to meet you personally. Thank you for your time.

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