The ROFL Times Vol 1
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: The ROFL Times Vol 1
Author: DeadBob
The ROFL Times Online gaming's First Newspaper established in 1994 on Sierra's ImagiNation Network by DeadBob and Tang playing over long distance phone lines.
UO v1, 11 Nov 23
HEALTH WARNING
The Ter Mur Surgeon General has determined that the current craze of breast feeding pigeons in Haven Square is hazardous to your health.
-end-
UO GMs NOT CANNIBALS SAYS UO
UO spokesperson Woot Woot Barney today denounced as“mere speculation” reports that GMs lured players into a Tokuno wooded area for an Iron Chef Competition.
"They were the chefs," Jack The Bloody accuses, "And we were the ingredients."
This reporter stared at the veteran player, as he leaned noticeably to the left in the saddle. "What happened?" I asked.
"It was horrible. Some of us followed runes marked‘Good Food’ to a woods. We were jumped by GMs wearing chef’s hats & carrying cleavers."
"They slaughtered several people I knew -Wizzax, Gandolf, Jada- and popped them into open ovens. Then they danced around adding spices and chanting,
'Kick-it-up-a-notch.'"
"They chased me," Jack said, "Yelling,‘Get that one! He’s already half baked.’"
The big man shifted uncomfortably in his saddle, leaned left again and fixed me with his steely eyes.“I can show you proof,” he said.
Jack The Bloody looked around carefully. Then he dismounted and mooned me. OMG! His left buttock is missing!
"They almost got me," he said. "It was real close, I tell you."
But UO spokesperson Woot Woot, even when confronted with this eye witness testimony, dismissed it derisively, saying only, "Well, that evidence is half-arsed, ain’t it?"
-end-
Missed Manners' Online Etiquette
Dear Missed Manners, Girls avoid me. And I don't know why. My character is modeled after the Greek God of speed, known for his humor and his helpfullness. I even wear a winged helmet. But I don't even git a chance to strike up a conversation! What could possibly be wrong?
- Herpes
Dear Herpes,
Well, it's not your character.
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LETTERS FROM THE EDITOR
The letters for consideration this issue are F and U. Properly used, together, F and U convey our first thoughts in many everyday situations. General usage indicates rejection.
"Colors! Red white & blue. I love the red white & blue!"
"FU you, you drunk, we're being pulled over."
“I'm making minimum wage. That means my boss is telling me, 'FU, I'd pay you less, but it’s against the law.'"
"You're being paranoid. Of course she loves you. That's why she gave you that gift for your bathtub."
"FU! A toaster!?"
And the most common FU these days? It's texting something to someone, something important to you, and they reply back with an emoji. Any godamn emoji. Or maybe that's FO. Not a lot of difference.
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