The ROFL Times 3.2
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: The ROFL Times 3.2
Author: Atlantic Players
The ROFL Times
Illegitmi Non Carborundum
INSIDE
3. NPC War!
14. Newbie Corner
19. Editorial
20. Cyber Poetry
22. Memories
23. Masthead
NPC WAR!
Report from the Front
July, '05 Lost Lands
The little band of humans kept watch from the balcony of Terathan Keep.
"They will issue from there," F'Lar explained, pointing at the gates labeled "Out." "Let us unfurl our battle standard."
Dutifully, Wizzax-T fitted together his pool cue and attached a white cloth.
"But that is not our standard," said F'Lar.
"Bets?" said Goobster, putting his good ear to the balcony's cold stone floor to listen for signs.
Suddenly the gates opened like an angry mouth upchucking its evil spew.
Out poured an army of a thousand goose-stepping Terathan Avengers swinging bicycle chains and tire irons, followed by drooling divisions of pop-eyed Drones, deranged Matriarchs, and distempered Warriors on motorized bobsleds. The great tumult of their charge would have wakened the dead, were they not already bringing up the rear.
"Lo!" exclaimed Goobster, "The enemy approacheth."
Immediately a squad of Ophidian invaders half crazed by cough syrup trundled out a huge female dragon on roller skates. An Ophidian Zealot directed the attention of the beast's single bloodshot eye upon the Terathans. An Ophidian Shaman ignited the huge reptile's pilot light. A torrent of fiery propane belched from its open jaws. The front ranks of the charging Terathans burst into flames and crumbled into ashes.
The battle cries of the combatants rang through the Keep. "Nasty snakes!" "I hate spiders!" "Slimy fang-faces!" "Kill the many-legs!" Lost in the din was a Matriarch's sigh, "And so the war goeth on."
The battle will continue ... Until the Royal Guard lifts the seige.
Editor's note: It is safe to visit the NPC War.
Take a rune to the 2nd floor, on the East side of Terathan Keep. Stay on the little balcony on the South outside wall.
-rofl
NEWBIE CORNER
Answers To Frequently Asked Questions For The Benefit Of New Players!
by Dr. Al Gorithm,
Ph.D., JD, DMV, DUI
NEWBIE: " "
Dr. AL: Type your message, then hit enter.
NEWBIE: thAnkS
NEWBIE: Where are the bathrooms?
Dr. AL: We use the bushes in Haven Square.
NEWBIE: Why do male Ninjas wear lipstick?
Dr. AL: Although all male Ninjas feel a certain sense of inferiority while fighting in the presence of Paladins and Samurai of the same sex, their shiny red lips are really a mark of their initiation rites into the cult of the Death Leeches. In their defense, it should be pointed out that no Ninja ever Wanted to be initiated into the cult.
(Thank You, Dr. AL)
-rofl
EDITORIAL
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
-rofl
CYBER POETRY
by Maurya Simon
Eight million ways to move, make love, to take a woman out of her body and soul, and bring her back- postures whirling like tornados, brief as eclipses, ceremonial as a rain dance.
-rofl
MEMORIES
by Handy Jack
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. -rofl
MASTHEAD
The ROFL Times is written by Atlantic players for Atlantic players.
Submitted material is always welcome. No foul language or personal attacks, of course (sorry, Azrael Morte :)
Drop your material into the DROP BOX at The ROFL Times, or see any member of the Merchants (Esq) guild.
Editor: DeadBob