Christmas Times 24

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Title: Christmas Times #24

Author: Yew Town Council


TREE SHOWS MEANING OF CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

Skara Brae has been bustling with visitors as of late, who have come to see the "Giving Tree" that seemed to have sprouted up overnight in the town's corral. The looming giant, with its pink boughs and colorful fruit have been quite the topic of conversation. Pilgrims throughout the land have traveled to look upon its majesty and partake of a gift of a shillelagh which it has been known to present to visitors throughout the day. When we were first told about the tree, by the time our reporters could reach the scene, a massive crowd had already assembled. The tree began to hand out the odd cudgels, which started a frenzy amongst those present. A voice in the crowd cried out, "Stop, it's a trap!" But the cry was soon drowned out by the rambunctious group. Moments later, a boulder-sized fruit fell from the branches onto the protesting individual, likely caused by the jostling of the maddened crowd against the tree's great trunk. The man was promptly carried to the healer for treatment. His condition is unknown at this time. This incident has in no way dissuaded the crowd from returning for the rare gift, nor is it likely in the future.


STILL ON THE LOOSE

Snowy the Frostman is still on the lose and the guards are inspecting every snowman they come across in Britannia. We have reports from citizens that they had actually spoken to the snowman! If the snowman's words are to be trusted, he came to life from a magic hat that the mages created. The hat was created from an old tome that was taken and hidden when Snowy escaped the castle. It is believed that when casting the resurrection spell using this particular tome, it can grant life to an inanimate object thus the mages were creating an army out of the snowmen to help guard the cities during the winter months. Snowy didn't wish to be participate in guarding, his interests were playing in the snow and singing songs. He fled after overhearing that the mages were asked to rework the Bracelets of Binding to control the snowmen. It is rumored that the Tome is hidden somewhere within the Ice Dungeon under the watchful eyes of cold beings residing there. The mages are concerned that with the tome out of their control and in the hands of Snowy, he might take revenge for his kind and create another army of some sort.


A LEG LAMP?

Nancy Croblink, the wife of inventor Harvey Croblink is hoping for a better Christmas gift from her tinkering husband. She recalls the previous year when he invented a washing machine. After a week, she had gotten so many bruises from it, she had to go back to taking baths. This year she is just hoping for something more sensible and less painful. A Whispering Rose is all that she really wants for Christmas and perhaps for her husband to spend more time with her and fewer hours in the lab. She doesn't know what he is making for her but she has spotted him sneaking a lamp shade and a rather shapely hollow wooden leg into his basement workshop.


CHRISTMAS CORN

Individuals who specialize in these matters have informed us that the schoolboy who was mangled in the pumpkin patch this past Halloween by an evil entity is finally at rest. The spectre of the boy had been seen by witnesses haunting the fields in a piteous and ruined state until his schoolmates performed a ritual to end his torment. The feat was allegedly accomplished by taking a personal item, namely his security blanket and wrapping it around the base of a cornstalk, which would be decorated before the critical winter solstice to appease certain entities that are into that sort of thing.



UNEVENTFUL CHRISTMAS

We have it on good authority that Christmas is running as scheduled and there will be no interventions required to make it happen this year. Unbeknownst to many, 3 out of every 5 Christmases would never have happened without the endeavors of one or several unsung heroes who fixed everything at the 11th hour, even if they themselves were the ones who caused the whole mess in the first place.


So this year there will be no good intentioned bumblers inadvertently throwing a tinker-wrench into the works by trying to speed up production at the North Pole, thus necessitating a last minute fix. There will be no need for a bunch of misfit outsiders with useless and outlandish skills that will suddenly manifest those same skill at some critical point to be essential to the delivery of presents worldwide. There will be no heroes this year embarking on quests to beg boons of higher powers or requesting extensions on delivering their wrath on Christmas upon the stroke of midnight. No heroes will be required to dissuade power magnates deprived of receiving a cherished childhood toy, from razing an orphanage. There will also be no meters overseen by the powers that be, instrumental in the commencement of celebrations, whether it be a thermometer that measures the collective good in the human heart, a meter that indicates belief in Saint Nick, or any other frivolous metric. It is officially declared that this holiday season will be filled with only magical memories, merriment, and mistletoe! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from all of us at the Yew Times!

SunWolf Mongo Corithian Tabitha Deadbob Garreet Granth Lucian Le'Morte Anora Knowles

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