Blind Man’s Outlook
From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki
Title: Blind Man's Outlook
Author: Britannia's Finest
Contents
Orchish Pets.........2
Grammar Survey....7
Advice from the unhinged..............15
New Chair............21
Day in the Life......25
Orcs Find Bunny Adorable - Shadowlord Slays it, Grishnak Infuriated
by Doctor "Doc." Frank.
Today the Shadowclan orcs had an unexpected surprise when a small bunny lept into their fortress, and boy was it cute! The orcs stayed with it for hours, taming it and feeding it carrots, some of which were pre chewed by some of the younger orcs in a startling display of affection.
"Ju so cute, fwoppy eaw!" One orc explained. Then, the Shadowlords appeared, and one yelled "Por Corp Wis" at the small rabbit, which promptly died. "We gun bash ju! We gun bash ju gud! Fur du bludgud! Ju get bashed!!" Grishnak said in tears...
"Por Corp Wis" Now Most Common Words in Britannian Language"
by O. Mandelstam
According to a recent survey, the three most commonly spoken words in the land are now "Por" "Corp" and "Wis," usually spoken in that order. They replace the previous three most common words, which were "Lewt" "Biotch" and "OoOOoOoo."
Observers believe that the recent faction battles are contributing to the surge in popularity of the "Por Corp Wis" phenomenon. I recently conducted a brief interview with a member of the Shadowlords who had been seen using this phrase at the rate of five times a minute:
BMO: Greetings, sir! I notice you seem quite fond of the phrase "Por Corp Wis." Can you explain this to me?
SL: Dude, it's like, you can't resist it at all. It wrecks the dexers, you know what I mean?
BMO: No, not really.
SL: Hey, that's some nice valorite armor you've got there.
BMO: Umm...
SL: Por Corp Wis!
BMO: OoOOoOoo
Apparently, further investigation is needed to solve this grammatical mystery.
Ask Stormhammer
by Stormhammer
Welcome to our advice column! Feel free to send your questions by pigeon or other fowl! Ask ol Stormy anything, and he'll have answer fer ya!
Dear Stormhammer,
I'm really poor, and I need to get some new equipment. What should I do?
Newcomer to Yew.
Dear NTY,
--GET A DANG JOB YOU BUM!!--
Mr. Stormhammer
can you please tell me what I should look for in a man?
Lonely Lady in Rivendel
Dear LLIR,
--Look for a fellow that wears a red floppy hat, a red cloak, a full gray beard with all his teeth and hair. And most importantly, a man named Stormhammer. And ye shall find a good time indeed!--
Azalin Gets a new Porcelain Throne
by Nilrea
Today is a grand day as the Liche Lord Azalin received his long-awaited new throne. "Even the undead have needs" he was quoted as saying, "and my old throne just wasn't working for me". Rumors of his change from the skull-and-bone motif have been spreading for months, as he continued to make comments about how "last century" bone was. Aleph Aeirs, as of this moment tied to the old chair, responded to our question with a ringing declaration of "AAAAAAAGGHHH HHHHHHHH!!!!"
A Day in the Life of Jacob the Guard
by O. Mandelstam
8 AM: I report for work...Moonglow is quiet, except for those guys with white hair on nightmares. Don't they have a home?
10:15 AM: Some ninny throws an explosion potion that grazes Rebodoog the Baker. Wilst that swine regret his actions? You bet.
11:49 AM: Some guy in bone armor keeps giving me a book titled "a rimjob." What do I need this for?
1:33 PM: Dried flowers, why do they always go for the dried flowers? How do you like your dried corpse, sucker?
2:41 PM: I keep eying the guy who's been trying to steal a crystal ball from a packhorse for an hour now. What gives? I mean it's your horse, just take the damn thing!
3:50 PM: Ooh, you must be new here. Like your little tambourine tune is going to provoke me to attack my buddy, Edmund the Guard? No, but it will provoke me to wrap my hally around your neck.
4:25 PM: Ok, I saw you kill those 27 nobles, don't think I didn't. Now if you would just come a little bit closer...
5:00 PM: Another satisfying day at the job. Only 148 dead from faction, order/chaos and guild wars. I can live with that, but stay away from the dried onions, fool!