Atlantic Roleplay Community Boards

[Sitka]

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*This poster is laid out like an ad you might see in a newspaper or magazine and posted at random banks, mage shops, etc*

Are you tired of the same boring spells?

Is your cat simply not sticking to the wall the way it should?

Do you think that water into wine thing is for pussies?

Do you have a rubber suit, peanut butter and a llama?

THEN LOOK NO FURTHER!

Sitka's Splenderific Book of Spells is now available to the public!

That's right! This long since secret book known only to the famous Sitka Lark

You can learn such useful and popular protection spells such as...

Cube of Cat Guts
Shield of Salivation
Alchemical Bacon Sphere
Magical Meat Vortex
Maelstrom of Snot

Also included are a number of spells useful for getting revenge, garden parties and if you are just fracking lonely, a born loser and desperate for a friend including such favorites as...

Dread Spell of the Chocolate Entity
Bind Butter Devil
Summon Bums
Control Earwax Elemental

Have some nut case stalking you? Change your appearance! Yes! That's right! With one of my simple magic spells you can make yourself look entirely different and its guaranteed to make someone think twice before laying a hand on you! You too can make yourself ugly as frack with such spells like...

Create Bedhead
Invoke Acne
Bile Blast
Flaming Foot Odor Puddle

So order today and I'll throw in my mini-spellbook communicator with over nine spells absolutely free! That's right I said fracking FREE! That's a fifty gold piece value if you order today you'll get such popular spells like...

Communicate with Strippers
Speak with Dandruff Fairies
Magical Incantation of Clown Communication

My mini-book is portable and its better than pocket-sized because with a little effort you can carry it in a number of places and orifices. It comes with a small flask of oil, a crowbar and is stored in an edible pressed paper container for easy fiber retrieval.

So order Sitka's Splenderific Book of Spells for only two thousand gold and we'll even personally deliver it to your house! FREE SHIPPING! That's right folks! Not only do you get both spellbooks with edible travel case but shipping is FREE! So order now, while slaves last and get yours TODAY!


-In very tiny script at the bottom of the page.-

Spells in book may actually not be secret and might have been previously known by Bob, Sara, my cat, the lady next door, some guy I fracked, but don't worry he's dead now. Spells may also be known by any of the voices in my head which may or may not be actually real. We are not responsible for any negative reactions to the spells in the book including damage to property, feline hair loss, growing a third nipple, anal leakage and most likely death due to either the backfire of the spell or the true nature of the spell that we just aren't telling you in order to con you out of your gold. Void where prohibited so most likely all of Britannia. All complaints should be sent to Ariana Lenoir.
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