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[gypsy_merrique]

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After slipping off the soiled work gloves, Merrique sat atop the storage chest and looked out over the gardens.

This is it? After all is said and done, this is all I have left to my life? she asked herself.

Her children scattered to the wind, and her husband seemingly gone without word, Merrique had months before resumed gardening. Daily, she tended and harvested the carefully nurtured plants that provided necessary ingredients for healing, pigments, and other various uses. Having enjoyed a life where money was never an issue prior to Walter's disappearing act, Merrique now worked the rich soil in an effort to bring forth a meager living. She was reluctant to tap into what reserves she had in the bank left from her days in service to Umbra. Save it for a rainy day, she often thought.

A rainy day, she mused yet again. With a bitterness that took her off guard, Merrique wondered just how much more rainy her days could possibly become. Sleep rarely came easy, of late. Waking hours seemed to be an essay in shades of gray. Some days, it was difficult to remember the immense happiness she had not so very long ago.

This day in particular, she began to wonder if there was a god who was angry with her for some reason. She seemed to remember hearing somewhere, that everybody deserved to be happy. Were those days past for her?

No, it can't be. This just isn't fair.

The visit from her brother's son hadn't made things any easier. She'd come precariously close to spilling her words and her tears to him, but managed to hold back due to pride and the fact that he had seemed troubled. There was no point in adding to his worries, even though they remained unspoken; his eyes betrayed him.

A thought that seemed to be not her own spoke up, causing a rare and faint smile to form on her lips.

There are better days to come, Merrique.
_________________


. . . But the dark is very trustworthy.
It's always as dark as you thought it was.
And you don't have to work at staying there.
All you have to do is survive it.
And I've been doing that forever.
from the novel "Dark Debts" by Karen Hall

[gypsy_merrique]

---

Her niece came crashing through the garden gate making such a ruckus that it startled Merrique out of her thoughts with such force that she slipped off of the storage chest she'd been sitting on. Judging by the girl's expression, Merrique quickly assumed there was terrible news. Something awful. A death. An invasion. So many possibilities shot through Merri's mind.

Madelyn threw herself into Merrique's arms, sobbing and babbling; her words were incoherent through her tears. Merri could feel her pulse quickening with dread as she patted Maddy's back and tried to sooth her, and wondered briefly who would be there to comfort her, if the news was truly this bad.

After a while, Madelyn began to settle down a little. It was, really, downright bizarre to see her so distraught. This was a girl who went through life as if in a dream, smiling in that little almost secretive way of hers even when it seemed there was nothing to smile about. Madelyn paid so little attention to the things around her as to be both annoying and admirable at the same time.

Not knowing what else to do, Merrique listened as the story unfolded in fragmented bursts mixed with small episodes of crying and sobbing. Merrique managed to put the basic facts together. It was a man. Someone Madelyn thought cared about her. Someone she thought that she herself could have had strong feelings for. There was an unexpected meeting somewhere. The man said he had to stop seeing Madelyn, there was another. He still wanted to be friends. Maddy didn't think she could handle that. Other details that came in disjointed sentences. Her niece didn't know it could hurt like this, she felt used, and she queried what she did wrong to always wind up so unhappy.

When her niece seemed calm enough, Merri felt drained and angry at the same time. Perhaps it was time to lay a few truths on her.

"Maddy. Listen to yourself. This is what men do. If you make it so easy for them to use you, girl, they're going to!"

For a few minutes, Merri listened to accusations; she didn't care about Maddy, she didn't understand, she of all people should be on Maddy's side. When Madelyn made a reference to Merrique's own questionable past in regard to men, Merri had had it. She gave the girl a hard, stinging slap to the face . . . hard enough to turn the palm of her own hand red.

Through gritted teeth, she told Madelyn, "I, unlike you, never fooled myself about what I was doing. If you can't handle yourself when you play adult games, maybe it's time to go back to dolls and dress-up."

Both women stood there stunned for their own reasons, staring at each other in disbelief.

After a barrage of obscenity-laden accusations, Madelyn announced she was going to Sanctus.

"Fine. You do that," came Merri's response, knowing perfectly well where Maddy was going, and hoping to the gods that she would get little pity there.

At least, she thought, outward pity. The truth was, Merri hurt for Madelyn.

What a harsh lesson she'd just learned.
_________________


. . . But the dark is very trustworthy.
It's always as dark as you thought it was.
And you don't have to work at staying there.
All you have to do is survive it.
And I've been doing that forever.
from the novel "Dark Debts" by Karen Hall