The ROFL Times 2.2

From Atlantic Roleplay Wiki

Title: The ROFL Times 2.2

Author: Atlantic Players

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The ROFL Times Atlantic Newspaper

Illegitmi Non Carborundum

IN THIS ISSUE

<3> Goji Reports Cannibal GMs

<11> "Overheard"

<12> Advice To The Love-Lost

<17> CYBERnAUT'S GUIDE

<18> Letter to the Editor: Mondain's Skull

UO GMs NOT CANNIBALS, SAYS UO

- by DeadBob

UO Spokesman "Woot Woot" Barney today denounced as "mere speculation" reports that GMs lured players into a Tokuno wooded area for an Iron Chef Competition.

"They were the Chefs," Goji had reported, "And we were the ingredients."

This reporter stared at the veteran warrior, who leaned noticeably to the left as he sat in the saddle.

"What happened," I asked?

"It was horrible. Some of us followed runes marked "Good Food" to a woods. We were jumped by GMs wearing Chef's hats and carrying cleavers. They slaughtered several people I knew & popped them into Hag's cauldrons full of boiling water. Then they danced around the cauldrons while adding seasoning & chanting, "Kick-it-up-a-notch!"

The big man shifted uncomfortably in his seat, leaned left again, and fixed me with his steely eyes. "I can show you proof," he said. Goji looked around carefully, then dismounted his swampy and mooned me.

OMG! His left buttock was missing!

"They almost got me," He said. "It was real close, I tell you."

But UO Spokesman Woot Woot, even when confronted with this eye witness testimony, dismissed it derisively, saying only, "Well, that evidence is half-arsed, ain't it?"

-rofl-

OVERHEARD IN THE DEI CAFETERIA

Sakkarah: "Hey! I gotta leak in my new cup!"

Lagos: "Go ahead, it's your cup."

-rofl-

ADVICE TO THE LOVE-LOST

by Dr. Ruth

BN'dere-Dundat

StUdLy: I got a great bod! Flowing blond hair, rakish mustach! Big sword and I'm naked!! My title is, "Ready" -yet girls don't talk to me much. What Else do I Need?!

Dr. Ruth: A life?

-rofl-

Wyllng: Please help me <sob> Dr. Ruth. I meet so many wonderful guys here and they always say such nice things to me and fill me with their joy and then I fall in love with them and give them my heart and then <uncontrollable sob> I find out all they wanted wasn't my Heart at all but --

Dr. Ruth: Thanks, Wyllng, I understand. Be comforted that this never happens to you in the RW, does it, my dear?

-rofl-

The CYBERnAUT'S GUIDE To The Internet has this to say on the subject of rules. "There is only one: Anyone who tells you of Any rule wants something from you."

-rofl-

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Mondain's Skull:

In one of the earliest Ultima box games, you could retrieve Mondain's skull from the ocean depths.

Whenever you lifted this skull above your head in a town, everybody in that town died.

I think this was Ultima III, but can anybody tell me for sure?

- Tokuno Joe

The ROFL Times is written by Atlantic players for Atlantic players.

Submitted material is always welcome. No foul language or personal attacks, of course (sorry, WIZZAX T :)

Drop your material into the DROP BOX at The ROFL Times, or post a message on our temporary website at FL-Websites.m/rofl

Editor: DeadBob

June 3, C.E. 2005