Yew Times 4

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Title: Yew Times #4

Author: Yew Council



TAVERN NIGHT


Next week's tavern night on 07/18/11, will be held at -Mazewood Tavern Co Ordinates: 60o 38'S, 25o 56'W Felucca. There is now a teleporter rune to the Mazewood Tavern at the house west of Goodman's Rune Libary.


GENERAL NEWS


MINING FIRM PURCHASES MINOC ASSETS Minoc officials okayed the final decision to transfer mining lands to the Atkins Mining firm this week. Town officials felt that the 1.4 billion gold purchase was good in that it would promote future growth of the town with little negative impact on everyday local functions. Mine owners could not be reached for comment.


FRUSTRATED FEY FRIENDS FORSAKE FOOTWEAR FABRICATOR


Citing irreconcilable differences, brownie workers departed the employ of footwear mogol for greener pastures. Brownie spokesman, Pilwinkle Dabblewonkin had this to say, "When we first signed onto this job, it was largely out of pity for the poor cobbler. You see, at the time, the guy was barely making ends meet. He was in danger of losing his house, his wife was sick, and was way behind on his work, due to extreme exhaustion. Hecame to us for assistance, and in exchange for some honey cakes and sweet cream, we would work long into the night to fill his work orders. It seemed like a good idea at the time; we brownies are suckers for those damn honeycakes. Eventually, the cobbler got his life back on track, and was making gold hand over fist due to the demand for unique fey made footwear. We brownies were working around the clock for some honey cakes that turns out can be bought for 5 gold per dozen. Yeah, we brownies are pretty crappy businessmen. So now, the cobbler's walking around like some bigshot, and hasn't even made the effort to show a gesture of gratitude. It's not about the honeycakes man, it's about the respect! So, it's back to Ilshenar for us." There is no telling how this news will impact footwear purveyors, as authorities fear a repeat recurrence of the Sosarian sandal slayings where footwear fanatics hunted down innocent mages for their uniquely hued shoes.


TAVERN PATRON MUGGED BY WISPS, DEPANTSED!


It was not to be the usual walk home from the tavern, as Serpent Cross barfly, Milo McTavish departed the Yew establishment in his usual enebriated state. Following about five minutes of travel, he was accosted by two glowing orbs that proceeded to dart about him in what he described as "in a playful manner." Events then took an awful turn as the two wisps suddenly began to roughly shove him back and forth before pushing him to the ground. When McTavish finally did get back on his feet, he discovered his assailants long gone, and himself minus his money pouch and a new pair of pants. Wisp expert, Cear Dalben remains skeptical of the account and stated, "Wisps have never demonstrated this sort of roguish behavior or facination with trousers in the past, so why should they start now? It's not as though they could wear them." She then paused before concluding, "Or could they?....."


ADVERTISEMENT


NEW TOKONO AUCTION HOUSE OPENS


Business Maven, Silverfox invites the public to visit his new auction house located in Makato-Jima across from the dock area. Auctions will be run on Sunday starting at 6 pm eastern with gates provided at 5pm. Locked down rulebooks located at the auction house will detail how to submit items for auction as well as bidding rules.


VAMPIRE CASINO WELCOMES NEW SOULS


Do you enjoy the company of goths? Do you enjoy an evening of high stakes gambling? If you answered 'yes' to either of these questions, then come on down to the Golden Fang; the first casino staffed entirely by denizens of the undead. Belly up to the bar and order yourself a Bloody Mary, then head over to the craps table and roll the bones for a chance at big winnings. At the Golden Fang, you'll never have to fight the elderly for a slot machine, because we have enough to go around. Once in a blue moon, Undead Frank Sinatra and the 'Bat Pack' drop in for an evening of entertainment. It's all here! The good times last for eternity.... The Golden Fang is located adjacent to The Bloody Feast Tavern listed in the green runebook at Goodman's Library in Makato Jima. Gamblers should look for gates at the Luna bank on Friday nights.


FOUL PLAY #1


Why is Fowl Play the number one leader in cockfighting gear?Fowl Play's most basic gear begins with our patented Eversharp 3 inch bladed foot spurs, followed by a light weight armored harness providing top notch protection while allowing free range of movement. Advanced gear such as the dragon's breath cannon can be easily mounted onto the harness for multiple bursts of flaming naptha reaching an impressive five feet! The Longshot is a catapult armature that mounts onto the top of the harness, capable of lobbing devastating volleys of molten grapeshot or bladed flechetts against opponents reluctant to enter close combat. The harness is also capable of mounting dual rotating side blades; the ideal defense against flanking opponents. If you're tired of taking your prize bird to the cockfights and coming home with chicken salad, then isn't it about time you put your cock in our hands? With over 25 years of cock handling experience, Fowl Play has everything you need to take your chicken or chicken lizard to the winner circle. Fowl Play offers a wide array of customized fighting gear for your little champion. We offer various colors and styles and can even add your corporate logo. To start, each cock is sized up and measured to be specially fitted with protection offering the best performance in the arena. So, leave behind those days of shame and embarrassment, and see what it's like to be a winner. Stop into one of our locations for a free demonstration.


Did you know?: The Jungle parrot, despite its diminutive size, has a crushing beak powerful enough to break the spine of its prey, the giant serpent. It then uses its strapping wings to lift the carcass up to its nest where it will feed its voraciously hungry chicks.


Quote of the Day: Give a murderer a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to kill fishermen, and you'll feed him for a lifetime."


PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT


The Monks at the Yew Winery are still selling their brown monk robes to cover operating expenses. Rumors have it that individuals are reselling these modestly priced garments for a much higher rate and the monks wish to make the public aware of these dishonest practices.


Publish 2 Edition 3, 6-10-2011

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