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[Ghost of Gramps]

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(Part II, from Pickled Peppers, Telling Time, and Buckwheat Wrestles Bear, originally posted 28 September, 2010.)

All said and done, seeins Buckwheats at rest against the wall, Gramps followed Olga outbacks to the cornmeal shed to do somes negotiatins.

Buckwheat put his elbows up on the wall, hands under his chin and watched the theatrics below and across one of the Vesper canals. A crowd gathered about a mighty sight fer sures. Der was dis heres bear, or what seemed to be ones, and a couple of handlers holdin him tight in chains.

Slowly, Buckwheat felt his toes inching around toward the bridge, magically pulling him toward the festivities. All the moreso, since Gramps seemed to have the negotiatin well in hand. From behind the Farmer's Market and coming up out of the shed loud and clear was Olga holding her own, crying out "No! No! No!" All the while Gramps could be discerned clearly in his boisterous bellow, "Gimme da money!" Gimme da money!" A loud crack would follow, as if bare hand had landed to some fine well rounded flesh. Buckwheat's head jerked right up in hearing that, and his eyes went wide. "Wooooeeee!" he cried out.

Now was da time to make a break for it. Without a second thought, Buckwheat darted across the bridge and onto the plaza, crawling his way between a score or more legs to get to the front and a fine viewin.'

As if already having taunted the crowd more than once, a big burly man, obviously the trainer, hollered out, "What says ya. 10 gold guineas fer da challenger dat beats dis hear bears of mine."

Grumbles rose amongst the crow as none stepped forward.

Buckwheat sized up the situation real fast. Those chains sure looked heavy on dat der bear, and der was sometin not quite right. In fact, dat der bear looked mighty peculiar! Thinkin hard and fast, Buckwheat new 10 gold guineas didn't grow on trees, so, before he knews it, he was jumpin up and yellin, "I'll wrestle dat der bears! Only, you keep da gold. I jest wants da bears!"

The crowd suddenly fell still. The trainer, handlers and even dat der little bear was lookins at Buckwheats wits some sorts of suprise.

Buckwheat did a skip into the center of da plaza, spit into his hands with a rubbin, and shuffled his feet back and forth to gets real readies fer da brawl.

All of a sudden, the handler busted out laughins, den da crowd followed in suits. Which suited Buckwheats jest fines. Maybe he would runs some bets on da sides jest to cushion his play. Ain't nobody gonna says Trinsic Bridge Rats can't game wits da best.

Seeing Buckwheats standing fast, the trainer shook his head, as if saying, "Okays. Okays." But, having somethins up his sleeve. He nodded to da handlers to let goes of dat der bear, just as the crowd let out a might roar.

Dat der bear ran forth. Buckwheat charged in as well, planning for da best, but hopins for a foot...or rather...a paw sweep. It would be his only chance to get things happenin right, and fast.

Da bear jumped high, but Buckwheat jumped higher, then grabbed dat der bear around da neck, and flipped right overs his backs, but still holdins on fer dear life. And dats da truth, if you knows wat I mean. Afterall, peeps better hangs on whens da gots a mad bear by da neck thats lookin might hungry.

The crowd shrieked in excitement. Surely the event was going da ways da was hopins.

Buckwheat landed hard on da stone pavement with a "Blumpt!" He was wind wangled fer a second, but not as much as he was gonna bees, fer next dat der peculiar lookin bear landed right on top of him. Buckwheat, let out a big, "Ugggggh!" Then, spread eagle, got ready to give up da ghost.

As he lay there ready to be eaten, he felt the first taste fer da bear as he licked Buckwheats up and down da face real good like. But enough was enough, when dat der peculiar bear trieds puttins his tongue right insides Buckwheats mouth.

"Eeeaaaagh!" Buckwheat screamed, as if seein Grandma Nellie bathin naked the first time down near Trinsic Swamp outsides the UWF Castles of Mortitudes. Or, was it, solitudes. Maybe it was solitaries. Whatever. Back to the action.

To be eaten, or not to be eaten, darn it if Buckwheat wasn't gonna go down withouts one more try when it comes to havin some peculiar bear tonguing him nasty. With every last ounce of energy, Buckwheat rolled dat der bear over in a furious exchange of looks, brawn, and a little bit of gas passed bys boths of dems, as if gettins ready to lets go of der bowels.

The crowd at first hollered out in unison with excitement, den groaned and closed der noses but a second laters. Only to be shocked by what followed.

Buckwheat had dat peculiar bear in a headlock, der mugs but inches away from one anothers. With rut rising up his back like a wedgy on his undie, Buckwheat exclaimed, “Wait a minute. Yous ain’t no dang bear.”

Buckwheat pulled on an ear and it came plumb off. Then he jerked on the other and off it came as well. Yelling out loud, Buckwheat hollered, “Yousa jest a pups!”

From amongst the crowd rose a great rumble of wonder.

The pup licked at Buckwheats face and panted. Jumping to his feet, Buckwheat reached down, pulled on the fur of the pups back, and saw it come off in his hands as well. “Why dis aint’s nuttin put a tie on fur doormat from deems bears in dat cave downs Trinsic ways.

The pup jumped up at Buckwheat, yapping.

Buckwheat turned about. “Well, a deals a deal. I won. Da pup goes with me.”

“Not so fast, you little brat.” The trainer nods up over to his handlers, and they step forward to put those heavy chains back on da pup.

The crowd draws in, fists raised and shouting agrily.

Just them, Gramps parts the crowd, stepping forth, his stuff not quite fixed proper in his robe. He tugs at the skirt, then clears his throat. “Whatchu gone a got yerself into, Buckwheats?”

“Wrestled me a bear, fair and square, and won. I win. I keep da bear, which actually turned outs to be a pup. But a deals a deal.”

“I reckon so. Is dat da way it was?”

The crowd bellows in agreement.

From behind the trainer and his handlers comes the sheriff. He had seen the whole charade, and had his piece to say. “You done been matched, Bogart. Best you let it go.” Peering then over to Gramps and Buckwheat, then adds, “Best you two get along as well. Seems nothin ever goes jest right when you come around, old man.” Then, chuckling, he says, “And take yer darn bear. Ha-ha!”

The crowd joins in the laughter, then begins to disperse amongst the market stalls.

Gramps lights his pipe, then winks at Buckwheat. “Well, this be Vesper, Buckwheat. Hell of a good town. Hell of a good town. “ Taking Buckwheats hand, he throws his travel bag over his shoulder, then leads then out, pup following alongside.

“Guess you won dat der negotiatin with Miss Olga, hey Captain?” Buckwheat gazed up at Gramps, all along leading Pup on a makeshift leash.

Gramps winks again at Buckwheat as he peers down at him, puffing on his pipe. “Negotiatin? Oh, yes. Seems to come wit da finers of people in dis heres parts of the realm. God save dat der King….hmmm…or is it a Queen deez days. Seem to have forgot.”

As they crossed the last bridge out of Vesper, and strolled past the waystation and inn, leaving town, Buckwheat, made one last curious observation. “Gramps, how da heck did all deez city folk ever think that Pup here was anything like a bear?”

“Stinkin thinkin, Buckwheat. Stinkin thinkin.”

Then Gramps, Buckwheat, and Pup began their way home.