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[Edda]

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Today I believe a curse was lifted from Shihan Micarlin and I. We are not sure how we lifted the curses, but we are almost certain of where they came from. We each touched a strange doll at the Triad Casino. She brought hers to the tea house and dropped it and Leusi picked it up and started acting strange, too.

After I had touched the doll, I felt compelled to lie. The more lying I did, and the bigger the lie was, the better I felt. Saying I hate Takumi made me feel better than anything else ever has made me feel. Saying Sia and Yia are terrible friends made me laugh with joy.


All day I've been trying to search my memories.. To remember lies I told I need to fix.. but more importantly to remember a few lies that did not make me feel good. There were a few lies that hurt like nothing has hurt before. The last one I told was right before , I guess the curse was lifted?, because I started feeling normal again. I was sitting out on the benches by the pond outside the tea house and a stranger came to sit and talk with me. We talked about Moonglow. I told him I love Moonglow, my favorite lie under this curse, I think. It made me giggle happily. But when I told him I was born in Moonglow, my knee suddenly hurt like a son of a wench!

Another time I felt pain from lying, is when Takumi and I were standing out by the pond, and Leusi came out of the tea house calling my name. I said My name is not Edda, and it felt like I had been sucker punched in the stomach.

Now I know there was one more time when I felt pain. I know I was talking to Sia and Yia. I just can't remember what I said. I've thought about this a lot, and I think the only answer is that these lies, aren't really lies.. I don't know where I was born, and it is possible Edda is not my real name, I suppose. Being abandoned as a child is so confusing sometimes.

*sighs and keeps writing*

Now I haven't seen Takumi all day.. I think he is hiding from me. I'm a little concerned, but I know he wouldn't really leave me. I hope.

[Edda]

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*opens up to a random blank page and writes quickly*

Today we were needed in Sanctus. I thought it would be like all the other times, when we knew our enemies were going to be somewhere.. and then they didn't show or talked their way out of it before us Lotus even revealed ourselves.

This time I knew it was different as soon as I got there. Moonglow and Stonegate were also there. I saw Arakad and Morio poking around the edges of the group, but knew they weren't going to participate. That's not what they're about right now, I don't think. They're doing something new, I can tell. Whatever it is, it will be great, I bet. I saw a group of people I didn't know just watching like they were at a theatre.

Before going to Sanctus, I had stealthed into the mountain pass nearby from the other side. I saw a lot of Orcs and some of those ex-Umbrans or undead thingies. Whatever they are. And I snuck back around to join my group. I knew I wouldn't be able to stick to the shadows being distracted by that large of a group that would not welcome me if I was discovered. There was a lot of standing around waiting after that.. I whispered it to Garrett that I knew where they were, and he took me, Masaaki and Takumi around to go .. give them a nice surprise from the other side, while the rest of the group attacked them from the front. I wonder how they liked that. If I wasn't a ninja.. I'd be scared of ninjas.
Anyways.. The fight went great. We lost a few.. but we did really well. Best of all, Jase went down. I wish I would've been the one to give him the final hit to knock him out. I hope there are gonna be more fights! I gotta go wash my Suneku jacket. Its full of crusty blood.

[Edda]

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*flips back to a page from a month ago and re-reads it, grinning*

Takumi built me a house!
I can't wait to be married to him!

*shuts the book and throws it behind the bed. grins to herself again*

[Edda]

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*makes a note of the date and writes it down at the top of the page*

August 3rd
Today is very special today. Garrett and Leusi had two beautiful babies. The experience itself was devastating and traumatizing and I had no idea what to do, but I did my best to be there for Leusi. I don't know how the hell she did that! She brought two people into the world.. I've never seen Garrett so.. gentle. I want one! But.. I don't want to do what Leusi did.. I don't think I even could..


*pauses to cringe and shake her head, thinking about it again*

I can't wait until I am not contagious anymore. I want to be near people I love again. I want to hold little Takashi and Arabella. I want to kiss Takumi's nose, like I always did..Now I know how Kiko must have felt, alone at the temple

*a tear drop splashes onto her writing*

I guess I will go back to disenfecting the teahouse

[Edda]

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(In very messy writing)

Tonight Matt showed up at the teahouse.. We were supposed to be having class, like we always do on Wednesdays.. But he told us he needed help with killing some Orcs. That has been happening more and more lately. Those orcs are causing trouble. They keep raiding Moonglow. As soon as Garrett agreed to go, I was on my feet ready to join. The fight went badly. I was not doing well. I was very injured.. Then as soon as Matt healed me back up, I got clubbed over the head and dragged off by orcs. Shalcross was nice enough to let me go, thank Gods. Upon my arrival back at the teahouse, Ni'Xuin came out concerned, and provided me with nightshade to dull the pain in my head. I have a huge bump still. And I think this wound on my shoulder is infected. I havent felt very good since the battle. I cant really feel my feet or hands. That will explain if this is even readable in the future. Its hard to write.

[Edda]

---

Wow. I am really bad at writing often. I guess I'm too busy, with a baby and an elder position. Right now, though, I need a place to vent unpleasant feelings.

Well.. Last night the Soke got married to that woman from Stonegate. Oracle or something. It was all very weird to me, I still don't understand why it happened. How does forcing two people into a romantic relationship prove that two guilds are joined together? It creeps me out a little. I mean.. are they even in love? And now they're married. Bet they're forced to have children as soon as possible.

I feel very distanced from the clan these days. Everyone seems so cold. I feel like I'm being treated like I did something wrong, and I do not recall doing anything. A place that once felt like my home, is now empty and quiet when I walk it, and if there are any people in there, they ignore me completely after one quick glance. A group that once felt like my family, now never talk to me. I wish I knew why..

Maybe I have been too distracted by Shinto to have an Elder position. Maybe they are mad at me for giving them less time than my son. I don't know. I really don't know why they would be so cold to me. I'm so confused.. I want things to be the way they once were, when laughter echoed through the teahouse and I was part of it. But I guess.. I can't fix something if I don't know how it broke....

[Edda]

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She looks back over some of her old diary entries and chuckles. All of those memories seem so far in the past for her now. As best she can, she has adjusted to the room in Umbra, but she misses Shinto. She looks at her watch and decides she has enough time to write before meeting Kaelthir.

I have left the Lotus. Do I miss them? Yes.. Am I sorry I left? No.. Its time for things to change.

[Edda]

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A lot has happened since I last wrote anything in here. I'm horrible at writing frequently. Takumi has passed. Shinto is in Blackmarsh. Both things were very difficult for me to adjust to. Takumi was a rare case for me, I never expected to ever get attached to one person, and marriage. Even I can't believe I did that. But Takumi was a special guy. I will miss him every day. Definitely never letting myself get that attached to anyone again, though. Shinto is in the care of Yuna, so I know he is in good hands. I rarely visit him, because it complicates things. I also rarely visit Camilla, we are so different, we argue over each other's choices whenever we are together. Members of the Order are now welcome in Blackmarsh, but I still feel the need to hide when I go there, because of these crazy women. Camilla, pregnant, what a mistake. She is an idiot.

I currently reside in a room near Charnel Hill. Kaelthir gives me lessons on Oblivion, Entropy, Illusion, and small pieces of other magics. However, I believe Illusion may be my favorite. Being her apprentice is very enjoyable, she has so much to teach.

Also, I have had a couple residents of Tokuno try to keep in contact with me. Ridiculous. They are up to something. I don't trust them and refused to give them information I believed would be dangerous in their hands. Ni'Xuin has a chance of being truthful in wanting to talk to me still, she seemed to be cooped up with no one to talk to. No friends around. I enjoyed her company in the past, but will not fall into a trap they have set up, in case thats what she is being used for. Night crawler on the other hand, can go right to hell. I don't know what he thinks he's doing. He is insane. Completely. The only good thing about him, is a mutual dislike of him causing Cal Hurst and I to bond. He's a good guy. Good times. Good times in Blackmarsh. Friends for life.

[Edda]

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Well. Things are going fairly well right now. Last night I got a long lesson on the Stygian language from Kaelthir. It was very interesting. A lot to take in, it will be some time before I remember a good portion of it. I will have to study it frequently. Hopefully next class more people show up, Kaelthir seemed so disappointed in the others. Though, it is nice she can count on her apprentices. The Mohawk, Enoch and I.

Yuna sent me a letter and a drawing she did of Shinto. He is growing so fast. I may have to break down and visit him soon. She also said she went out to Hanses for a while the other night and was approached by Night Crawler. I think I'll tell her to set him on fire next time she runs into him. All those crazy wolves, too. That would be a funny sight. Them running around on fire. *scribbled in after* Dakt sardaklath lazun!

I am really loving Umbra. Each day that passes, I remember less and less about living in Tokuno, and definitely cannot figure out why I stayed there as long as I did. I guess I just didn't know better. I didn't know there were people with so much knowledge and sensibility out there. I have spent so much time pushing myself hard to have the best fighting skills I possibly can, I totally neglected my brain. Its amazing to spend time with Kaethir trying to help remedy that for me. Though, I will never forget what Garrett has taught me about fighting. I miss that guy a bit. I lost many loved ones in one decision. Perhaps they never cared enough about me to try to understand or forgive. But.. I am fine without them. And I am fine without Takumi. From now on I refuse to let myself get as close as I did to Takumi and the Lotus. Ridiculous waste of time. People only weigh me down.

[Edda]

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There is an annoying little puke trying to get back into the Order. He is stalking Charnel Hill, standing around outside buildings and homes. Oddly enough, the Lich Lord put me in charge of him. I gave him a small piece of my overwhelming attitude and he threw a hissy fit. This tells me he is weak and sensitive. He should see what Enoch has to put up with from me on a daily basis. Last night I found out that this little idiot went blabbing my name to the rabid wolves in the Mountains.guzol skre'pirlath zeta kelsedlath pal da gurka xa Malas?
If by some amazing chance he makes it back into the Order, I really hope he's a Thrall, and I really hope its my personal job to beat the crap out of him every time he does something stupid.