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[Nyxanna ab'Arawn]

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Dear Mental Journal,
The guard walked in today and he set down my plate of food, strangely they are feeding me but it was bread and I know full well the bread is making me sick. My diet has always been that of meat, while tolerating small amounts of other things I by nature am wolven and really need the sustenance that meat provides. I think they do it to keep me weak.

It was an odd affair as the guard walked up with an odd look on his face, and I am certain that he desires me. This is not good, I am chained to a column, so I growled at him and spit on him. He just smiled and walked off. I cant see how in my current condition any guard would be interested in the crumpled filthy mess that is me, I frankly am disgusting to even myself and try as I might I cant transform. That would make this all so easy. My slim wolven ankles would easily slip these bindings. Yet sadly as I said they are keeping me weak. All strength I had seems lost for the moment.
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Turns out that the guard did return, and he removed my chains, again to weak was I to make much of an effort for escape but I am no quitter so I tried to struggle anyway. It didn’t happen of course, but at least I get points for effort. He took me out to the beach and literally tossed me in the water. I suppose the stench surrounding myself was growing on the guard’s nerves. It did feel good the cold water of the ocean and it made me think once more of home. I laid there weak and exhausted in the sand as the water rushed over me and for a moment I thought I mught just push myself under and drown myself. That is what one does with weakness, in my homeland. It occurred to me that I had inadvertently become a weakness to my father and in my morose state of mind I imagined it might be best to let myself drown.

Yet in my mind a very stern vision of my grandmother arose and I was very certain she would be displeased with such thoughts and so I fought against the wave, instead letting it clean me as intended. I was even more exhausted at this point and when I crawled out from the water the guard had an awful smirk on his face. Here in lies my true folly. I was unable to stand on my own so the soldier helped me to rise and his hands went to my torn dress front. I knew this was not going to be a good thing. Soon, though I protested weakly, he removed such from me and stared at my nakedness. Truth be told I had never cared before, it had surely been in my nature to pay little or no heed to my body, I had always worn clothing because those around me did and it seemed the proper thing to do. Yet at this point I surely realized the true reason for coverings and wished longingly for them. My clothing he tossed aside and made moves toward me that held his original purpose of earlier, I of course stumbled blindly backwards falling sadly to the ground. He paused though as he heard a call out to him in the distance and with a look of disgust he grasped me and dragged a new clean dress over my head and roughly dragged me back into the shelter I had known and chained me back up to my now beloved column.

He was gone and I thanked Umbra for little favors. I realized that I surely must be rescued soon as next time I did not doubt that guard would have his way. It occurred to me that this noble Lord Bleddyn probably would not care even if he knew….

Well that is all for my mental journal today, I am going to promptly black out for the moment as the exhaustion overcomes me once more. Perhaps my stray thoughts will make their way to some useful place…Who knows. If my grandmother, who has extremely intuitive and possesses strong mental powers perhaps picks up my resonations, perhaps she will see this beautiful beach that I have stared upon for a while now in this desolation. Its all I can offer of location.

Don’t worry Umbra I am alright, I will continue to fight until they kill me, I know your coming…

Crumpling, Nyxanna falls to the ground her last image that of the Sepulcher, the dark halls echoing her cry of frustration at her weakness.