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Kal'iksix · Guest

So much of what I read I can relate to, but seriously consider the counselor thing.

I was married for 14 yrs and the last 2 yrs of my marriage I came to realize how much of an abusive relationship I was in. Granted it wasn't physical abuse but Emotional and metal abuse is as bad or maybe even worse. Six yrs ago my husband and I hit a huge snag which should have ended our marriage then, but we fought and struggled. I even had a breakdown and ended up in the psych ward for 4 days. I was reaching for the buck knife on my husband's belt loop as well as struggling against my father's 6 foot frame to reach the kitchen knives on the counter. The result, a few years of antideprassants and therapy. I noticed things were bad last year when I contemplated suicide every day without regards to my three kids. (Micarlin, Ni, Nalimar, and Bishimi can vouch for all of this.)Finally in AUgust after my ex essentially accused me of having sex in front of my son at a NASCAR race (I am HARDLY the exhibitionist)when we were trying to find a concession stand, I realized I had had enough. We tried marriage couseling and even did a 3 mo separatation, of course it ended in a divorce but I can safely say that when January rolled around, I had been 4 months without a suicidal thought. Granted there have been slips and I think that is just part of human nature, but knowing and identifying that there is a problem is a HUGE step. You know something is off, it's just how to fix it is the tough part.
AS for the physical things....I blame the media. Look at it this way, Marilyn Monroe was a sex symbol and she was a size 10 with her corset. I have shifted my focus off me and on to my kids. I have a 15 yr old who is going thru one of his toughest times in his life (high school) and dealing with his parent's divorce. He was VERY depressed and even though my ex liked to deny that our son was suicidal, I got him into a couselor at my couselor's office and he has shown much improvement. In fact, he and I have a no suicide pact...I won't do it if he won't and we remind eachother that ALL the time.

Feel free to ICQ me anytime if you need someone to talk to. I have found it's better to vent to someone neutral and work thru the episode than try to work thru it alone. You can get thru this....look at all the love and support you got here! Sometimes you can even benefit of pulling Kael out in RL, I have gained a lot of respect at work pulling a Kal'iksix attitude. I believe in you!
Big Hugs,
Kal'iksix's player

Ariana Lenoir · Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 4:45 pm Post subject:

Hang in there, Kael. Keep trying to get help through the system and don't take no for an answer. Life isn't supposed to be perfection or a constant feeling of being happy. Its the MOMENTS of happiness that are important... having a great moment in rp, reading an awesome book... cookies... a beautiful sunset. In the meantime, try to find those moments that are good for you and ravish the ever-living hell out of them.
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Drayden Calamyr · Sage Joined: 23 Feb 2005 Posts: 612

I feel for you Kael I really do.
Very crappy situation you're in and one thing I will say that I say to the (many) friends I have with similar issues is this:

The only way to feel better about yourself and life in general is to stop letting other people dictate your feelings so much. Most of what goes right or wrong in someone's mind is fixable by you. Look at what really makes you feel negatively and then do what you can to change that so those things don't happen as much or at all. If that means you have to hurt people's feelings then so be it, the road to happiness isn't going to be littered with roses.

My honest opinion of this guy, is that he's a dickhead. And he needs to be tossed out. Everyone is offering solid advice here, but all of it involves you taking action and not someone taking action towards you. There are alot of men out there that have little pricks and it makes them feel more like a man to have a woman that does whatever they want. Doesn't make it right, but the only solution is to figure out yourself better. You're in control, even though it seems that your feelings are otherwise.

Hang in there and I hope we can help you through this rough time.

Kaelthir · Certifiable Joined: 28 Aug 2004 Posts: 1932

The problem is I'm only painting half a picture. There are reasons why I choose to be with him, and that post only focuses on the negative. I don't make much effort to communicate. I'm scared to, but that doesn't change that I'm not communicating. What I didn't say in the original post is there's a lot of stuff we enjoy together, it's not all bad.

And the body issues aren't about fat. When I'm happy, I lose weight. When I'm stressed and depressed I comfort eat and gain it. It's something I can control, it doesn't really worry me. The issue is body hair. Changing that costs thousands of dollars and is scarring. You know how much it sucks being a woman that gets a 5 o'clock shadow? And shaving is awful. It itches awfully, it fracks up my skin, it causes in-grown hairs, it causes cuts. And like I said in the original post, I realize not doing it will cause me to be amazingly unattractive. This is where a lot of the pain comes from, knowing who I am naturally is unacceptable. But thanks to those of you who are supportive with it, and give reassurance that there are other ways to live.

Merci d'Rue · Babbling Loony Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 2810

Take it from someone who had a gun cocked and pushed against her head. In that moment when my life was about to be taken away from me there are so many things I didnt want to lose I couldnt think of them all.

I know this sounds cliche'. But it is very very true. Life is fragile precious and very short, you may turn a corner and it will all change in an instant. It is hard life isnt always fun or happy. Be who you are, and stop worrying about how others are looking at you or how you dont fit in.

Dont sit around thinking about how much you dont fit in. Think about the things you do enjoy and focus on them. Try to make yourself some solid friends, people like the ones above me who have posted, as well as me, do care and friends who dont judge you and are always there for you make you able to deal a bit better with life.

If you have trouble making friends face to face your in the right place. We all make friends here every day and when we are ready we look each other in the eye.

Do not waste your life feeling sorry or sad about yourself, it sounds like you have had a rough time bu tthere are alot of people that have gone thru what you have. You are definitely not alone. Its not about breaking out against the mold of society. Its about being who you are and what makes you happy. The right friends, the right person will not effing care if your legs arent shaved. They will love you for your mind and the person you are.

It is sad that it took a gun to my head to make me realize this hon. We all develop at our own pace. Its important that you focus on what is important to you and just throw yourself into it. When the bad feelings start up, draw, right, bake a cake.

*grins* and send me the cake. I like cake it is not a lie...
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May destiny guide you...

Cear Dallben ZOG · Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:33 pm Post subject:

stop paying attention to RL. That or find true love.
if that doesnt work wait out the suicide until your old and your only care in live is messing with young people.
Also RP more.
Warning, love can frack you up forever.
I have experience in the above. But i took up drinking. i would not recommend that.
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